Born Both a Weapon and a Monster
by doctorhoolovesyou
Summary: River Song's entire life has existed for her to be a weapon used to kill the Doctor.  But when the moment comes, there is a choice, and what is the choice?  What is her decision?  Oneshot, slightly romance, very much introspection.  Please review/enjoy!


Disclaimer: All rights to the BBC, etc, the only thing I claim is the writing.

**I've been in a strange mood the past few days, so I sat down and steamrolled this out and it turned out quite nice. I thought, 'hey, if it helped me feel better maybe it will help someone else too!' So PLEASE, please, please review and tell me what you think. If enough people like it, I'll write a prequel or epilogue-ish type thing.**

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><p>River Song was used to being used. She was born to be a weapon, born to ignite fear in the fearless, and it was the only thing she had ever thought she'd be good for.<p>

She was fearless herself, or rather she pretended to be, because fear was a weakness and a pain and downright loathsome when it decided to engulf her. Like so many things, fear was just another obstacle to overcome and another fragility that would lead to her inevitable downfall. Because she wasn't stupid and she wasn't delusional, and she knew that the day would come when she would fall like the many that had crossed her path.

River could stand fifty yards away from a target, tilt her gun exactly 6.3 degrees to the right, and shoot someone precisely in between the eyes if she felt like it. Often, she'd aim three millimeters to the left of the middle because she didn't want anyone to know just how _good_ she was at what she did. In fact, she wanted them to underestimate her.

She'd never admit just how perfect her shot was or how fast she could compute a calculation in the brilliant entity that was her mind, because she didn't want anyone to know how clever she was. It was her little secret, albeit a lonely one, but it was hers.

She was as used to being lonely as she was to being exploited, and more often than not the two would come hand-in-hand. What was ironic, really, was that the only thing she admittedly feared was loneliness. And as loneliness came with her manipulation, it seemed she was doomed to feel lonely for as long as she existed. Being born a weapon, loneliness was her constant companion, but her lengthy acquaintance with it did not seem to make her fear it any less.

She knew she ought to fear _him_, the man implanted in her mind as a monster, but for some reason it never occurred to her to be afraid. From what she knew of him, she had decided long ago he must be very lonely, because monsters cannot fully enjoy the company of others. Being one herself, she knew this to be the case.

She realized her lack of fear was illogical, because if he was lonely and she feared being lonely then by consequence she should fear him. But the idea that someone else might actually feel as lonely as she sprouted a seed in her mind that could not have possibly been ingrained there by the people she'd known.

That seed, though incredibly tiny and entirely irrational, was what kept away the fear that had inspired the path of her whole existence. That being the fear of him, which he produced in the hearts of too many, was not something she understood. What she did understand was the loneliness that weighted his heart, because it weighted hers as well, so the thought of him acted more as a calming agent than anything else.

The seed that erupted in the back of her mind was one of solace and peace, two things she had never had enough of in her turbulent childhood. Childhood was such an impressionable time, a time to mold and shape and create, and hers had been stolen away from her in the blink of an eye.

But she never hated them for it, because the people that had taken it had also made her into what she was today, and today she stood proud, heroic. She was a sight to behold.

What those people had never understood themselves, because really how could they when they weren't as clever as she, was that the hatred that had replaced the love in her life did not inspire her to hate. As love was something she never once experienced, it was the most intriguing thing imaginable. Intriguing and exciting, yes, but also new and unknown and the cleverness of her mind thirsted hungrily to understand.

So today, standing in front of the man she'd spent her entire life waiting to kill, her choice of action was unexpectedly clear. She supposed he already knew what she was there for, and it seemed he had even succumbed to her purpose and was waiting patiently for the strike.

River could sense the loneliness that enveloped the mighty warrior before her, could sense his lack of reluctance to facing his demise, so the decision of what she must do was actually quite obvious.

She took a step towards him without caution, gun still in hand, as her fingers tightly gripped the cold metal. She wanted to know if he would flinch, that being the ultimate decider, and was happily overjoyed when she saw he did not. She took several more confident steps towards the man of her fanciful nightmares and surprised every single person in the room as she dropped the gun and made room in her hand to hold his.

He looked at her then with such shock, such bewilderment, that his mouth opened slightly in wonder. His eyes held an infinite amount of depth within them, a fathomless amount of knowledge, an amount that she knew was the perfect match for her own.

His eyes were the doors into his ancient being and they indulged her in her pursuit of comprehension. What lay there, behind the exhaustion and acceptance of defeat, was the seed she recognized as the same one she clasped onto so tightly in the surface of her mind. Looking into his soul, she found solace and peace in the eyes that looked into her own that together created a path no one had ever thought she would have chosen.

His seed came from the timeless years he had lived through, the ageless ache of goodbyes resulting in the experience of new hellos, and he had discovered its existence the moment after she had. He had thought he was going to die, as she had thought she was going to kill him, but her innate desire to understand had destroyed her artificial one to destroy him.

Her seed came from a hunger to love, the one adventure she had been deprived of since the moment she was born. Thus, when she had the choice to kill him or to love him, she knew the only real option was to love. And so she did, taking his hand in hers, defying the assumptions of the entire universe.

The only thing left to do now was to wait and see how he would react, but she knew the truth in her mind, seeing as though she was rather clever, and the truth was that he would accept her love as a token for his.

So with every person in the room wearing the countenance of a delightful mixture of both confusion and distress, the Doctor smiled back at the woman who had chosen love over hate and him over them. Her intangible choice showed him that the universe would always choose love, even when born and consequently raised to hate, and her love enveloped him in a newfound enthusiasm for life. Moments earlier he was ready to die, but he knew now that he wouldn't, not today, because today was a day to celebrate and not destroy life and its incomprehensible tendencies towards love.

The people surrounding them, a combination of her captors and his friends, looked on incredulously as he roped her into a hug that she gladly accepted. All the fear and loneliness that was buried deep within their hearts melted away as River and the Doctor held each other close. Their hearts let go of the past and opened up to embrace the future, a future that was more promising than anything either could have ever dreamed.

There was a brief moment of stillness after the initial shock of their encounter, but it was quickly broken by a scream of utter desperation released from the woman that had tore them apart and inevitably brought them together. The lady with a metal eye-patch broke into a run as she reached for the gun that lay discarded on the floor, only to be stopped by a hand on her wrist as she looked up into the eyes of a super-hero.

River held on forcefully as she lifted the woman's hand to her lips, kissed it, and said, "Not today, my love."

The woman glared at her with enough ferocity to evoke nightmares in even the bravest of individuals, but River felt no fear as she looked back into them with a tenderness that surprised both women. "Today, I learn to love. Today, I discover the universe." And with that, she bent down to place the gun in her holster as she made her way over to the Doctor who held a smile as wide as the moon on the features of his face.

"Next stop?" River asked, one hand in his, the other by her side.

"Everywhere," he grinned, squeezing her hand tightly as he shook his head in both disbelief and acceptance.

"Everywhere," she smiled back, a whisper secreting their promise to each other that they would, from now on, choose to love always and forever.


End file.
